The Truth... What is it?

 Marty's Miraculous Cure Letter


Dear friends,

God has been doing some amazing things in my life over the last few years.  It is the desire of my heart to share these things with as many people as possible.  Since God is no respecter of persons, what He has done for me He will do for anyone.

God has healed me of CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome).  Another name for CFS is CFIDS (Chronic Fatigue & Immune Dysfunction Syndrome).  I was debilitated for many years by this illness.  Before my healing began in l999 I had been on a basically downhill slide physically for around 20 years.  Each year progressively brought more fatigue, as well as a gradual giving up of more and more activities.  The last 6-10 years of the illness were especially hard.  During those years most of my time was spent in bed resting due to extreme exhaustion.  It was my goal to try to get my teeth brushed once a day.  And I did that sitting down since I was too exhausted to stand for that long.  Although my hair tends to be oily and needs to be washed every day, there were many times I would lie in my bed for 5 days before I would have enough energy to get a bath and wash my hair.  That was quite a chore.                                                       

Not only has God healed me of CFS but He has also healed my thyroid gland.  When I started taking thyroid medication in l979 I was told that I would have to take it the rest of my life.  But now I no longer need medication.

The terrible insomnia I had is a thing of the past.  I used to lie in bed for several hours each night before I could finally fall asleep.  Now, I fall asleep “as soon as my head hits the pillow” (except for those nights when I have fallen back into fear and anxiety over something).

Also, the awful depression I lived with is no longer a part of my life.  I used to just long to die and go to heaven in order to escape my suffering.  Now I hardly ever even think about dying!

Another thing God has healed has been my appetite.  In l996 I began having loss of appetite and was really struggling to try to eat.  So at that time I decided to put myself on a 4-day rotation diet which I had previously learned was part of the treatment for a person with food allergies.  This was a difficult diet to follow, but at least I was able to eat again.  I remained on this diet until l999 when my healing began.  God has completely restored my appetite and I do not have to rotate my foods anymore.  I can eat wheat and dairy products (the things I was most allergic to) as many times a day as I desire.  What a joy to go to the grocery store and know I can eat anything in the store! 

God has given me part-time work which I love.   I’m also able to go to Sumter (an hour’s drive away) one day every other week to help out my dad who lives in a retirement home there.

How did all of this come about?  When I was sick I had 3 friends (Priscilla, Sarah, and Rosanne) who were also devastated by CFS  (as well as MCS [Multiple Chemical Sensitivity] and food allergies).  We prayed for each other for many years, and occasionally sent cards or  talked on the phone.  One day in the Fall of l998 Priscilla called me and said she was having more energy as a result of applying some principles she had heard about on some tapes she had been listening to.  She said that Sarah and Rosanne were also experiencing more energy as they were applying the same principles.  The tapes were of a seminar by a Pastor Henry Wright on Spiritual Roots of Disease.  When she mentioned something about fear and anxiety I said, “I am consumed with fear and anxiety.”  She asked if I would like for her to send me the tapes and I said yes.  But I was pretty skeptical.  I had tried so many things, and none of them had given me any permanent help.  Plus, I had a lot of fear concerning listening to the tapes.  I was afraid that this was some kind of weird religious cult.  Also, I remember thinking it was a little bit odd that the only thing Priscilla was trying was something spiritual.  At the time I was trying juicing (drinking up to l/2 gal. of fresh vegetable juice each day) along with a mostly raw food diet.  And I didn’t really think that it would do much good to only try something spiritual without trying something else more tangible to go along with the spiritual--something like juicing, herbs, mega-vitamins, medicine, special diet, etc.  Boy was I wrong!

In the Fall of l998 I listened to 1 or 2 of the tapes but became overwhelmed by what I was hearing.  So I set them aside.  At Christmas l998 I started becoming much worse and the loss of appetite returned (even though I was faithfully rotating my raw foods and juices).  By April l999 my exhaustion was so bad that I could only be up out of bed for 10 minutes at a time.  I would lie in bed for several hours planning how to best use the next 10 minute period that I would be able to be up out of bed.  My loss of appetite had gotten so bad that my stomach would be crying out for food but I couldn’t get the food to it.  And I was losing too much weight.  So I started putting various kinds of oil in my vegetable juices to try to get more calories and fat grams into my body, but that made me nauseous.  At that point I was thinking that the next step might be a feeding tube, which I did not want.  I just wanted to die and go to heaven (as that was the only way I knew to escape my suffering).  I was hoping that it would be OK with God for me to refuse a feeding tube, but I didn’t know how He would feel about that.  I became so desperate that on April 10, 1999, I started listening to the tapes again.  I told God that I would keep listening as long as my fatigue did not get worse.  And it never did get worse!  But it was a few months before it got significantly better.  Here’s what happened.                                                  

The pastor on the tapes said, “While listening to the tapes, if you become convicted of a sin in your life, stop the tape, repent, and deal with that issue with the Lord”.  So that’s what I did.  At one point on the tape the pastor said, “Some of you haven’t forgiven yourselves for sins you committed in 1917!  Immediately I was reminded of several sins I had committed more than 25 years previously.  I had asked God to forgive me, and I knew He had.  But I realized that I had never forgiven myself.  Can you imagine?!  I had continued to carry the guilt and weight of  those sins for all those years!  The pastor said that if we won’t forgive ourselves for something that God has already forgiven us for, then we are setting ourselves up as greater than God, and we are calling God a liar.  I decided that I needed to forgive myself by saying aloud the words “I forgive myself”.  But oh what a struggle it was!  Finally, after trying and trying, I hesitantly croaked out, “I…forgive…myself”.  And oh the joy that filled  me!  I called my friend Priscilla and told her, and we rejoiced together.  That was in the morning.  That day I was able to eat 5 different times!  I “ate us out of house and home” that day.  And that was during the time when I was really struggling to eat.

Another time while listening to the tapes I became aware of someone whom I had never forgiven.  This individual had said something that had hurt my feelings many years previously.  I had not even thought of this person for many, many years.  And I had not even been aware that I had bitterness and resentment in my heart toward this person, and an unwillingness to forgive this person.  So I repented for this and chose to start praying for this individual.  I have come to realize that if I still get that “high octane ping”, that “ouch”, that pain in my heart when I think of someone who’s hurt me, then there’s still some bitterness, some resentment left in my heart, or some unwillingness to forgive.  I have also come to know that God wants me to be free of every single bit of that pain in my heart.  But in order for that to happen I must forgive those people who have hurt me.  Then, although I still have the memory of what they did (or said) to me, yet I do not have the pain.

When  the pastor on the tapes talked about envy and jealousy, I realized that I was envious of three of the people I loved the most:  my husband and my two children.  I was jealous of them because they could walk out the door of our house and live normal lives while I stayed home in bed.  I was also jealous of my friends because they had their health.  So once again, I had to repent of this envy and jealousy as sin.  One thing that still helps me when I’m tempted to be envious of someone is to right away thank God for blessing this person and ask God to continue to bless this person.

But the biggest stronghold in my life was fear and anxiety.  I began to understand that all of my worries, anxieties and fears are sins that need to be repented of.  Joshua 1:9 says, “Have not I commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Also, 2nd Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

One of the first things I learned about fear was that any fear a person gives in to will master that person.  I found out that I had much fear of man.  By fear of man I mean being concerned with saying and doing things in order to be accepted by people.  I had known for many years that I was a “people-pleaser”.  But it had never occurred to me that my motive of doing things in order to gain man’s approval and acceptance was fear of man, which was a sin that I needed to repent of, be forgiven for, and be delivered from.

For several months I listened to tapes on Spiritual Roots of Disease, as well as tapes on overcoming bitterness, envy and jealousy, rejection, fear, etc.  I continued the process of repenting for sins as I became aware of them.  During this time I did not know whether or not God wanted to heal me.  But I did know he wanted me to confess my sins and be forgiven and delivered.  So I continued on.  Although my fatigue and exhaustion had not gotten any worse, it had hardly gotten any better.  All that started to change on July 2, l999, the day before my 52nd birthday.  (Life began anew when I turned 52!) J

On that day Priscilla and her sister Sarah (both of whom were being healed) and their mom Ruth came to see me.  They brought lunch and cake to celebrate my birthday.  Normally, when I had visitors, I would lie down on the sofa during the visit.  By conserving my energy like that (instead of sitting up) I could usually allow my visitors to stay for about an hour before I would need to ask them to leave (due to extreme exhaustion).  So on this particular day I sat down at the kitchen table in order to tell them where to get the plates, glasses, etc.  After sitting there a little while I started thinking,  “I’d better go lie down on the sofa or I will really ‘pay for’ this.”  So I mentioned this to them and Sarah said, “What do you WANT to do?”  I surprised myself by bursting into tears and saying, “I didn’t know I had a choice.”  Sarah said, “God made your body to function normally and to maintain health.”  Then she repeated her question, “What do you WANT to do?”  And I said,  “I just want to be NORMAL, and do the things normal people do.  Of COURSE I want to sit at the table with everyone else rather than lie down over there on the sofa away from everyone.”  Then Sarah said, “You can CHOOSE what you want to do.”  Somewhere inside me I seemed to hear the words “by faith”.  So “by faith” I chose to continue sitting at the table rather than going to lie down on the sofa.  That was my first baby step toward healing and freedom.  (That is, it was my first baby step of acting in faith following all the repenting of sin I had been doing.)

A little later on Ruth wanted to take a picture.  So Priscilla and Sarah came and stood behind my chair for the picture.  But I said, “Wait a minute.  You both are standing , and I am sitting.  I’m going to stand up too.”  (The reason this was significant is that I would never “waste energy” standing when I could sit.  Also, standing, even for a few minutes, would really exhaust me.)  So that was another baby step of faith.

The next day a friend came over unexpectedly to visit me; and I chose “by faith” to sit up on the sofa rather than lie down.  Later on that day I chose “by faith” to go to a restaurant with my family to celebrate my birthday.  (I had previously told my husband that I would not “wear myself out” by going out to a restaurant, but would just open my gifts and cards while lying on the sofa.)

Since the next day was Sunday, I took another step of faith and chose to go to Sunday School and church.  Now I hadn’t been to Sunday School or morning church in about 10 years.  (I would still go to about 20 minutes of the evening church service when possible, since I sometimes felt a little better in the evenings.  But mornings were always my worst time of the day.)

About this time I asked my husband and two children to let me know when they were going to run an errand; and I would go along for the ride.  Also, about this time I chose to start driving again (with my husband in the front seat to “re-teach” me). J  I had not driven but one time in the previous two to three years.  And I had not driven on interstate for 10 or 12 years.

When my husband saw me doing all these things again, he said, “There’s no reason why you can’t go on vacation to Santee with the children and me July 18th.  I wasn’t so sure.  That was a BIG step for me as I had not spent a night away from home for about seven years.  During those seven years I would stay at home by myself while my family went on vacation.  I hated it but had had to give up traveling due to my exhaustion.  So I really struggled with this decision.  After 24 hours of trying to decide, I said I would go; because I realized it was a choice between staying home with my fear and lack of trust in God or going to Santee with trust in God.

So this was how it happened.  My healing was over a period of time, about a year or two.  I just continued to have “firsts”—like the first time I pumped gas, the first time I got cash at the ATM, the first time I got groceries, the first time I drove out of town by myself, etc.  In the beginning I did a lot of these things TIRED, but I just kept doing them.  And gradually I got to where I was doing them NOT TIRED.

The time it took for my appetite to be fully restored was about a year and a half.  When I first started going to restaurants with my family, I would just order milk.  Then later I was able to eat bacon with my milk.  Gradually I got to the place where more and more foods started tasting good to me; and I eventually gained back all the weight I had lost.

My three friends have all been healed and are living normal, productive lives.  Also, I have other friends whom God has healed of pain, migraines and arthritis.

When Jesus was here on earth He healed a crippled woman on the Sabbath (Luke 13:10-17).  When the synagogue ruler objected to Jesus healing someone on the Sabbath day, Jesus replied, “Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for 18 long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?”  I relate to this verse because Satan had me bound all those long years of my illness.  But God in His mercy showed me the error of my ways so He could set me free.  If we have an illness that is caused by our own sin, that is a humbling thing.  But it is also hope-inspiring; because we can repent, be forgiven, and be healed!

Another verse that is meaningful to me is Psalm 68:6b which says, “…he (God) brings out those which are bound with chains;”.  I was so bound by the chains of fear, anxiety, stress, resentment, and bitterness.  Now I praise and thank God for showing me the way out of my chains.

I  never realized how much a person’s physical health can be the result of living in fear, stress, anxiety,  bitterness, resentment, envy, jealousy, rejection, etc. instead of living in the peace, tranquility, love, and forgiveness that God desires for us.  While I do not experience God’s peace, joy and love to the degree that I would like (or to the degree that He would like for me), yet He has brought me such a long way.  Sometimes I just thank Him for ALL He has taught me!  And other times I realize that there is SO much I do not know about how to live this life! J  But He is my kind, tender Shepherd as well as my powerful, mighty, strong Warrior in my battle against the forces of evil that would seek to destroy me.  In John 10:10 Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it ABUNDANTLY.”  Wow!  Even during my sick years I used to quote the second part of this verse to myself a lot—because although I was not experiencing it, I knew it was the true word of God.  And so I clung to it.  But now God is showing me how to EXPERIENCE  an abundant life.

Before closing this letter I just want to say that if anyone feels condemned after reading this letter, that condemnation is not from God.  I have lived most of my life not knowing the difference between condemnation from the enemy of our souls and conviction from God.  In the last few years I am learning that there is a vast difference.  Satan wants to condemn us IN our sin; but God loves us and wants to free us FROM our sin.  God knows that we will be freer and happier if we confess our sin, turn from our sin, receive His forgiveness, and forgive ourselves.  I am learning that forgiveness is one of the most freeing things in the world!




PS:  The tapes I listened to on Spiritual Roots of Disease by Pastor Henry Wright have been transcribed and edited.  They are available in a book titled A More Excellent Way.  (Or for those of you who prefer tapes, there is a set of three tapes which are a condensed version of the book.)  Also available are the tapes I listened to on overcoming bitterness, envy and jealousy, rejection, fear, etc.  If interested you can contact: Pleasant Valley Church, 4178 Crest Highway (Hwy 74 West), Thomaston, GA 30286


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(posted 10 September 2007)